Today was not as great as yesterday was, but it was still ok. Dave (from CGI) IM’ed me this morning and we chatted a little throughout the day. He said that he wanted to go out to dinner with me and introduce me to his fiance. I kind of suspect he wants to show off his fiance because he hasn’t asked to hang out with me for over a year and coincidentally (or not so coincidentally), I told him that my ex and I broke up today. And surprise, not even an hour later he says we should hang out lol. Smh.
Admittedly, I am jealous of him. He was dating her for such a short period of time and already they’re engaged. I didn’t think he’d beat me to being engaged. And now I’m single again.
I keep trying to tel myself that things will be completely different and much better in 1 year. One year isn’t that long. But, it seems like an eternity when you’re in pain 
I’ve been thinking about a dream I had a few months ago about my Mom and what it might mean. I still can’t figure it out though. Mom was driving me in her old purple Dodge Neon. In the dream, I knew she was dead. I leaned my head against her shoulder and held her hand and cried and asked her why she had to leave. She didn’t say anything, but just looked at me and looked away like she was about to cry. That’s it. I didn’t think much about it when it happened, but after yesterday and talking to Mudasser about the significance of his dad’s dreams, I’m wondering if my Mom wasn’t visiting me in the dream. Though I desperately wish she had said something to give me a clue as to what it was all about. For some reason, I get the feeling that she wanted to tell me something, but was too upset to tell me. But, I can’t figure out or understand why. Maybe she visited me too soon and was still too upset about her own departure to talk to me? I don’t know.
I responded to Dennis’ texts this morning. I said that I think about him constantly but I don’t understand what he wants or feels now. Then I asked him why he didn’t respond to my emails. It’s been all day and he hasn’t responded yet either via text or email. I wonder if he will… A part of me wants him to ask me to get back together. But, a part of me also doesn’t want that. A part of me thinks that maybe now that he knows how I really feel about everything, he will make a change and be different. But, a part of me also thinks that he wouldn’t change and he’d just be the same guy. Who knows, maybe I’d be the same person this time around too. At this point, I feel like he doesn’t really, truly desire to be with me anymore. And that makes me really sad and also makes me not want to get back together with him. I want to be with someone who really, really wants me. I just worry that nobody else will come along and really, really want me. I worry that Dennis will be my last shot or my best shot.
I woke up really late this morning for some reason. I only remember my alarm going off 3 times before I woke up which should have made it only around 6:00am, but when I checked my phone it was almost 7:30am! I was nearly an hour and a half late to work. I must have slept through the alarm a few times which is really strange for me. I’m such a light sleeper. And then all day I was feeling groggy, kind of like I was medicated. Or that I had skipped a medicine that I needed. It was weird.
Ahh I see what happened. I accidentally turned my 5:30am alarm off and only had the 7:00am alarm on. That explains it lol.